I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
