Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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