im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
