they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
