Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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