my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
