I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
