that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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