i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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