that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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