you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
