okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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