he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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