I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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