youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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