I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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