ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize