And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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