Swine flu. Run for my life!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
