3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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