I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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