Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
