Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
