On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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