so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize