i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
