so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
