You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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