So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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