I skipped work to stalk him.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
