if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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