i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
