Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
