oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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