office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
