Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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