just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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