I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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