i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the day after is always just damage control
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
