i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
