apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
