She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Couch. On fire.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize