Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
