3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
