Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
