I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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