What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
