Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
