My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
