she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
