Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
