i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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