I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
