Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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