and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
