Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
