dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
