my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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