dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
