I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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