Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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