why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
