i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
