Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She's the barista slut.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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