my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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