During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
