My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize