just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
