i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
