Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
