one might say we're banned from that church
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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