Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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