After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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