Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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