pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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