AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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